usable in any place a human can be used


Fuck You Internet Explorer

[caption id="attachment_907" align="alignright" width="360" caption="This is for you IE"]Girl holding sign reading "Fuck You"[/caption]

Be Warned: This post has very little technical value, more just a rant against my most hated enemy

I hate Internet Explorer, with a fiery passion. Normally I just code along in beautiful browsers and use cross browser CSS and JavaScript frameworks. It's gotten to the point that I can code something up in Firefox and make it pretty and go over to old IE-saurus Rex and load it up and it looks 90% of the way there and a few hacks later it's fine. You see I still hate IE, but I've ingrained in my brain somewhere what things are "safe" and will probably work in that POS browser and which will require hours of tweaking, reading, googling, hacking, gnashing of teeth, and general misery. I try to avoid the latter.

So If I've developed this system to insulate myself from the misery of IE, why the hate today? IE9, that's why. I've read several reviews both positive and negative, but at the end of the day I'm not switching browsers, so I really care about one thing and one thing only, does IE9 make my job as a web developer better or worse. I've come to the conclusion that it's worse, and for that I have a lovely pile of "Fuck You" cake sitting right here with IE's name on it.

Not Available for Windows XP

First of all, IE9 is not available for Windows XP. Great, game over right there you fucking idiots. I don't think people should use 10 year old operating systems, but people are stupid, see: the continued popularity of American Idol for proof. Firefox is taking the responsible route and helping these poor souls bring their browser into the 21st century even if they are fine with an ancient OS. As Firefox Engineering Director Johnathan Nightingale says about XP, "...the best metrics that we’ve got say 40 to 50 percent of the web is still on XP. That’s too big for us to just leave them behind"

Missing a metric ton of shit

IE9 is just missing a ton of stuff. Stuff that web developers care about, stuff that would make our lives easier and happier, stuff that IE9 rapes right before sleeping soundly on a pile of skulls. Paul Rouget of Mozilla makes this case, let me quote some of the juicier parts.

No CSS3 for you

Here's a list of CSS3 stuff IE9 won't support: CSS3 Transitions (for animations), CSS3 Text Shadow, CSS3 Gradients, CSS3 Border Image, CSS3 Flex box model. Great news, don't put photoshop away just yet, you are going to need 1px wide gradients and text with shadows baked in, and fuck it.

Suck it UX

Hoping you might get HTML5 History API, Drag'n Drop from Desktop, or Web Workers to speed up your applications. Not with IE9 you won't.

Not the point though

Let's not get caught up in a feature list shoot out though, because that's not the point. Let's move onto the next subject.

Fractured even further

Does IE9 make my job easier, nope not at all. Microsoft's all consuming obsession with backwards compatibility means that they won't force anyone to upgrade. While other major browsers are moving to a model of strongly-recommended / automatic background updates to keep everyone on the latest and greatest, Microsoft is still playing the game by the old rules. Now the browser landscaped is fractured even further, I have to make sure my code works in IE6, IE7, IE8, and IE9, and if I want to be really sure I should also check in IE7-compatibility, IE8-compatibility, and Quirks Mode. Microsoft has never made it easy to run different IE versions side by side, I've used several products to do this and they all work to varying degrees. Now I will have to run another different virtual machine with either Vista or Win7 so I can test in IE9. And with no / terrible developer tools for all of these browsers, well its a fucking nightmare.


I wish I had one. At this point the only thing I've concluded is Fuck You Very Much Internet Explorer. Here's an idea, stop already Microsoft. I don't care how good you make IE10, the fact of the matter is that since you won't force upgrades, it isn't fucking helping. The only thing you are doing is making more work for the people that actually make the web beautiful. I fucking hate you. Fuck you very much.